To Remember [F1, LandOscar, oneshot]

To Remember by piastrification (goldenflora)  

When Oscar starts to cough up daisy petals, he finds that there is more than one way to forget. He doesn’t want to forget for a lifetime, he thinks- just every once in a while.  

The alternative ending to “To Forget”.

To be honest, I dont know which I prefer. I really would love to say that this one. But maybe Im just a sucker for punishment and I prefer the other one. 

Besides all that. I still love Hanahaki stories. Maybe I just love to cry and suffer. Maybe.  

the boy who blocked his own shot [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

the boy who blocked his own shot by alasse

Ilya’s dad dies right before the 2017 All-Star Game, so he never learns that Shane and Rose broke up. While he’s in Russia, a threat from his brother makes him ask Svetlana for help and marry her so he can get a US green card—it’s meant to be a discreet, simple thing, but the Boston tabloids get a hold of it and then it’s all over social media. Three months later, Shane Hollander holds a press conference to share two things: he's leaving Montreal to play for the Ottawa Centaurs, and he's gay.

This is way too short. I need more and deeper and I need to know what happens next. Okay. I need to know what actually happened in those four or something years. I need details and longer fics. 

What I dont need is to cry and destroy my emotional balance every day. Fuck fanfics. Fuck this fandom. Fuck everything about this hyperfocus. Seriously. 

Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted [Game Changers, Hollanov, nc-17]

Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted by bluerosebouquet  

His entire body felt tense as the door was pushed open. He trained his eyes on the floor, monologuing before he could stop himself, 

“Just so you know, my buddies paid for this dance for me and I’m sure you’re very nice and very pretty and good at what you do but I’m actually gay so you can just- Do what you need to do but I don’t want you to be offended because I’m not as into this as you’re probably…usually…used to…” 

He trailed away as he looked up, and met the eyes of the very tall, very broad, very handsome man leaning against the doorframe.  

They stared at each other, and Shane blinked, struck dumb. 

Or, the night of JJ's bachelor party, Shane is forced into a lap dance he very much does not want. Until he does, and everything changes.

This is not even that sad. But I was still crying almost straight from the beginning. Maybe this hit some a really sore spot somewhere deep in me. Probably. 

Or maybe I see a little bit too much of myself in Shane and cannot not be normal about anything. Something. 

What The Fuck Is An Elder Queer [Game Changers, Skip, Hollanov]

What The Fuck Is An Elder Queer by luulapants  

Rozanov made a dismissive noise. “No, no, I will pick you up. Send me your address.”   

“I’m not giving you my home address.” 

“Why not!” 

“Because you’ll probably post it on social media to psych me out before our next game.”  

That made Rozanov laugh. “It is good idea,” he said. Stopped laughing. Started again. Blew out a breath like he had to get himself together. “I might do this to you,” he allowed, “but you have nice boyfriend living with you now. I would not do this to him. You are safe.” 

In which Ilya Rozanov adopts himself into Scott and Kip's household and refuses to leave. Kip finds this very sweet. Scott is going to kill him.

For a moment there I thought this was the foursome fic where they all get together and live happily ever after. I have not planned on reading that, but after this, now Im reconsidering. 

This on the other hand is just fullsome friendship fic where everyone is just a buddybuddy with each other. And basically move in together as roommates. Yep. 

cardiac tamponade [Game Changers, Hollanov]

cardiac tamponade by asthestarsforetold 

Cardiac tamponade: pressure on that heart that prevents it from filling and beating adequately. 

Shane thought he knew two things: his move to Ottawa would cause chaos, and that the Ottawa Centaurs were nice. 

As it turned out, he only knew one of those things. 

(Or: the Cens are still a team of professional hockey players. They're going to fuck up.)

Wanna cry? Then read this. 

I just wanted more when I finished this. More in story, more in how it continues and just more. But the thing is, this is and I get it now. Took me a moment, but its not gonna get worse or better or anything. This is it. 

The one thing that stuck with me about Shane was his autism here. It shone through everything even when it wasnt addressed. It was just one more thing that separated him from everyone else. Then there were all the other things that made him different and made everything harder. 

But fuck. 

This is kind of everything I have wanted to read about Shane not liking Troy. I know there is some kind of hate campaing going on about Troy. And I get it, I understand where its coming from and so on. So I have tried to find a fic where that is explored and part of the story. 

So thank you, whoever you were, who recommended this on reddit. Thank you. Now I can go and read this again (like I havent cried enough at is it).