one juice for my very very real husband, please [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

one juice for my very very real husband, please by TheHeartWantsWhatTheHeartWants

The Russian man read his phone. "Can I get berry kefir smoothie in large cup but keep the juice small, only with more ice. But he wants to know if melting ice will separate kefir within twenty-five minutes, because if it does, he does not want that. Then he will get Almond Butter and Banana Smoothie with full scoop of hemp seed, but only half almond butter, and add…”

He must have noticed now that Dorian was no longer typing, “Is there issue?”

Dorian shrugged. “No. I’m just waiting for you to actually be serious about what your 'Husband' wants.”

The man scoffed, “I think you should just make fifty-dollar smoothie for my husband, Smoothie for my very real husband, by the way. Very real husband, so I do not know what finger bunnies are for.” He wiped his nose, taking a breath, “Do you know who I am?”

or

Dorian works in a smoothie shop, and if there's one thing he hates more than his job, it's people who order ridiculously complicated smoothies and then pretend they're for someone else.

Then a Russian man walks in and does exactly that.

What follows is a week-long battle of Ilya trying to convince a smoothie shop employee that his very real husband is, in fact, real.

This is that weird deep end that I have been looking for. Just pure fun crack. Basically everything you need to make your day better. Yep.

Have fun kids ! 

curious [Men's Football RPF, Haaland × Bellingham, PWP, oneshot]

curious by lwjjongin

“Erling, is it?” Jude whistles, raising one of his eyebrows. “I assume you had a good time, then.”

And really, he shouldn’t question her about it. He shouldn’t even want to know the details - his girlfriend just told him she got fucked by another man, a man he knows better than he knows her; a man he works with and sees almost every single day.

Still, he can’t help but wonder.

Or; Jude finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him with his teammate, Erling Haaland. Instead of being pissed off, though, he decides he might as well see for himself if the other man is worth the hype. 

Guys. I went there. The curiosity and all that. I went there, but but I have not gotten lost yet. I just. I dont even know anymore. Hopefully this is the only one I'll read and this is over. We will see.

And yea. Im kinda late. But it took me this long to have this conversation with myself, should I or should I not or is it really worth it or is there even anything good. So. Here we are. For at least this one fic. 

fuck. 

#DontYouDareFuckingFreeMe [Game Changers, Hollanov]

#DontYouDareFuckingFreeMe by Airuna 

“We do not say anything about the Hollander situation,” LeClaire tells them even though it sounds like he’s already resigned to what he knows is going to happen.

After all, Roz gets extremely mad whenever it’s brought up. Not that Cliff can blame him, he’s pretty sure that Roz liked Hollander before this (wouldn’t chirp him half as much if he didn’t). Finding out that he’s such a bastard must sting.

Not to mention that Roz does not mess around with people that disrespect girls. Or women. Or kids. Or dogs. Or the elderly (excluding Scott Hunter). Or really anyone, if it’s for petty stupid reasons.

“Of course,” Cliff agrees for both of them since Roz is still too busy texting someone.

It’s apparently not good enough for LeClaire because he asks, “Roz?”

“Just one second,” he answers without raising his eyes from his phone or stopping his typing. “Need to get my Jane to agree with something. She’s very stubborn.”

Or. My take on the 'their text leak and now everybody thinks that Shane is an abusive bastard' premise. Featuring Ilya giving a presser, Marly realizing in real time who 'Jane' is and the internet reacting to the craziness. 

Im bored and for some reason this was open in my browser. I cant even really remember opening this or what draw me into this. And I didnt even read the summary before I started to read. Sooo. Yea, I did pretty great there.

The only thing missing is what happens after this and what Cliff and Ilya will talk. Or more like, how Cliff will support Ilya. We all now that he will be the bestest friend ever, but still. I need more. Yea, I know, there is pattern here.

But mostly this is half twitter (x?) fic and half just Ilya being a mence. So basic monday in this fandom. Yepyepyep.

 

Shall We Talk About Home? [Game Changers, Hollanov]

Shall We Talk About Home? by OtherWaysHome  

“My boyfriend thinks I’m an idiot,” Ilya says. "Well, not really but a bit, maybe.”

“Your boyfriend?” Sandra, the queer studies professor sits down, hard.

“Yes, he thinks it is not smart to say faggot in the locker room when you are locked in the closet and Russia has the keys.”

Ilya had been talking about himself when he’d said it. Making a joke. Sailing a little close to the wind, sick of listening to the background hum of homophobic bullshit. But someone had been filming. The video went viral. The Raiders panicked under the terrible PR. Now he was here.

Sent to Queer Studies 101 to appease twitter. Because he’d been cancelled. For being a homophobe. If was fucking ridiculous.

He turns to the professor. “So, can you help me take on Putin and NHL at same time or I need more advanced class for this?”

Plus Chapter 2 – Social media chapter. Once they've been outed, Ilya gets to demand an apology from twitter.

Im trying to get lost in this fandom. Like really lost, that kind of lost where you find all the weird stuff but good stuff that other people miss. And its kind of really hard, there is just so much good stuf. 

But I think this is a good start. This is so left field and something new, different. Everything. But still fun and now I wanna take a course in queer studies. Where can I do that? Seriously. 

But yeah. I need more. Just more. Love the ending, with Shane outing Ilya as a huge nerd who love the course. Yep. The best. The Putin part was also nice, niche detail. Thank you.  

PWP Oneshots 19 [Game Changers, F1, TeenWolf]

Here we go again ♥ Have fun kids !

Captain’s Order by ThePromptWasntThisLong (shredded_potato) 
[Hollanov]

Who’s the freak stealing Ilya Rozanov’s game-worn jerseys?’ 

A series of targeted thefts turns into a league-wide mystery. The entire league is obsessed. Ilya is unconcerned. And Shane… 

Shane is locking himself in empty bathrooms, sniffing and stroking himself raw over the stolen fabric like a total pervert. 

He thinks it’s a secret. Ilya knows better.

soft sheets by afterdark (passengerprincipessa) 

[LandOscar]

It’s unreal what Lando will sleep through.

golden, like daylight by nonamesplz 
[Hollanov]

What I imagine their first time without a condom was like. Because we've all thought about it. 

money shot by cutshot

[Hollanov] 

When he looks up to check if anyone noticed, Hayden has put his phone away and his eyes are trained on them, arms crossed together. 

Hayden is still watching them, and Shane feels his blood turn into ice-sludge when he realises that Ilya is pushing inside him steadily enough that anyone can see how their hips move into each other. Shane stares back. Hayden’s eyes trail down from his face to where Ilya’s hand is visibly on Shane’s waist under the blanket, and—Shane tightens up enough for Ilya to double over and muffle a groan into his neck. 

And Hayden’s eyes are still on them. 

A beat, then two, and a wicked look takes over his face before he mouths: Having fun? 

Shane is horny. Ilya provides the perfect solution. Hayden is just here for the show.

81-24-21 by maplesalad 
[Hunter/Hollander/Rozanov]

Ilya tucked his smile against Shane’s neck and brought his hand down Shane’s front. “He used to be so boring,” he said to Hunter. “Would not let me fuck him because you were next door.” 

Shane groaned. “You’re such an asshole—that was a long time ago,” he said. “I was trying to be discreet.” 

“Yes, and now look at you,” Ilya said. “Go suck Hunter’s dick.”

Derek's Condition by SinQueen69 
[Sterek]

Stiles agreed to Derek’s terms when he moved in, not realizing at the time how much his life would change. 

Sweet & Spicy Bingo Square: Wet & Messy