To Remember [F1, LandOscar, oneshot]

To Remember by piastrification (goldenflora)  

When Oscar starts to cough up daisy petals, he finds that there is more than one way to forget. He doesn’t want to forget for a lifetime, he thinks- just every once in a while.  

The alternative ending to “To Forget”.

To be honest, I dont know which I prefer. I really would love to say that this one. But maybe Im just a sucker for punishment and I prefer the other one. 

Besides all that. I still love Hanahaki stories. Maybe I just love to cry and suffer. Maybe.  

the boy who blocked his own shot [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

the boy who blocked his own shot by alasse

Ilya’s dad dies right before the 2017 All-Star Game, so he never learns that Shane and Rose broke up. While he’s in Russia, a threat from his brother makes him ask Svetlana for help and marry her so he can get a US green card—it’s meant to be a discreet, simple thing, but the Boston tabloids get a hold of it and then it’s all over social media. Three months later, Shane Hollander holds a press conference to share two things: he's leaving Montreal to play for the Ottawa Centaurs, and he's gay.

This is way too short. I need more and deeper and I need to know what happens next. Okay. I need to know what actually happened in those four or something years. I need details and longer fics. 

What I dont need is to cry and destroy my emotional balance every day. Fuck fanfics. Fuck this fandom. Fuck everything about this hyperfocus. Seriously. 

Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted [Game Changers, Hollanov, nc-17]

Tubes of Neon Light, Refracted by bluerosebouquet  

His entire body felt tense as the door was pushed open. He trained his eyes on the floor, monologuing before he could stop himself, 

“Just so you know, my buddies paid for this dance for me and I’m sure you’re very nice and very pretty and good at what you do but I’m actually gay so you can just- Do what you need to do but I don’t want you to be offended because I’m not as into this as you’re probably…usually…used to…” 

He trailed away as he looked up, and met the eyes of the very tall, very broad, very handsome man leaning against the doorframe.  

They stared at each other, and Shane blinked, struck dumb. 

Or, the night of JJ's bachelor party, Shane is forced into a lap dance he very much does not want. Until he does, and everything changes.

This is not even that sad. But I was still crying almost straight from the beginning. Maybe this hit some a really sore spot somewhere deep in me. Probably. 

Or maybe I see a little bit too much of myself in Shane and cannot not be normal about anything. Something. 

What The Fuck Is An Elder Queer [Game Changers, Skip, Hollanov]

What The Fuck Is An Elder Queer by luulapants  

Rozanov made a dismissive noise. “No, no, I will pick you up. Send me your address.”   

“I’m not giving you my home address.” 

“Why not!” 

“Because you’ll probably post it on social media to psych me out before our next game.”  

That made Rozanov laugh. “It is good idea,” he said. Stopped laughing. Started again. Blew out a breath like he had to get himself together. “I might do this to you,” he allowed, “but you have nice boyfriend living with you now. I would not do this to him. You are safe.” 

In which Ilya Rozanov adopts himself into Scott and Kip's household and refuses to leave. Kip finds this very sweet. Scott is going to kill him.

For a moment there I thought this was the foursome fic where they all get together and live happily ever after. I have not planned on reading that, but after this, now Im reconsidering. 

This on the other hand is just fullsome friendship fic where everyone is just a buddybuddy with each other. And basically move in together as roommates. Yep. 

cardiac tamponade [Game Changers, Hollanov]

cardiac tamponade by asthestarsforetold 

Cardiac tamponade: pressure on that heart that prevents it from filling and beating adequately. 

Shane thought he knew two things: his move to Ottawa would cause chaos, and that the Ottawa Centaurs were nice. 

As it turned out, he only knew one of those things. 

(Or: the Cens are still a team of professional hockey players. They're going to fuck up.)

Wanna cry? Then read this. 

I just wanted more when I finished this. More in story, more in how it continues and just more. But the thing is, this is and I get it now. Took me a moment, but its not gonna get worse or better or anything. This is it. 

The one thing that stuck with me about Shane was his autism here. It shone through everything even when it wasnt addressed. It was just one more thing that separated him from everyone else. Then there were all the other things that made him different and made everything harder. 

But fuck. 

This is kind of everything I have wanted to read about Shane not liking Troy. I know there is some kind of hate campaing going on about Troy. And I get it, I understand where its coming from and so on. So I have tried to find a fic where that is explored and part of the story. 

So thank you, whoever you were, who recommended this on reddit. Thank you. Now I can go and read this again (like I havent cried enough at is it).

best man code [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

best man code by midnighttypewriter 

Alright. Okay. He’s doing this. If he thinks about it, there could be worse places to come out than in a room full of people ready to scold him for a perceived use of a slur. 

--- 

Or: Ilya comes out to the Raiders. It takes Cliff Marlow some time, and many questions, but eventually he puts two and two together.

Best part of this fandom is how Marlow is always the most faithful friend to Ilya. Not the smartest or not even the one who keeps up with shit. But the best friend for Ilya. The guy who is always there, the one Ilya can always trust. Just the best of the best. At this point. I dont even remember what kind of person Marlow was in the books. I just love the fandom version of him.

Here he is just as awesome as always. And I may have read this like ten times already. So this is so worth it. One of the best oneshots I have read. Yep. 

lover, come over [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

lover, come over by LArtemys 

She's got her mouth open, too, ready to snap at him to leave, because Shane does not need this right now. He can come back, if he has to, when her son's less fucking vulnerable, high on painkillers and reeling from mood-swings; not that she thinks he will, which, good. Really, she's just about to, when Shane's voice sounds. 

"Ilyaaaaa!" he lets out delightedly. 

For another long moment, nobody moves. 

Rozanov's face has contorted. His brows are furrowed and he's looking only at Shane. Is he confused? Yuna's pretty damn confused. Because– 

"Il-yaaaa!" Shane repeats, loud and sounding – ecstatic, really. 

Absolutely ecstatic.

I dont read these hospital fics anymore. Not because they are bad or I dont enjoy them. There is just so many of them and they are literally blurring into one in my head. Maybe at some point I can try again. 

But I still opened this. I knew what was gonna happen and so on. Something just draw me in and I needed something to read while on lunch break. And this did not dissapoint. No wait. It did. Because it ended too soon. I want a sequel. 

Yea. There is nothing new or exciting. But this is good in a solid way and I always love Hollanov fics from other's POV. So thats everything I need in life. Yea.  

Have fun!

Count the Cost [Harry Potter, Drarry, Harry/Draco/Theodore, oneshot, nc-17]

Count the Cost by PricklyCauldron 

Harry doesn't want a soulmate and he especially doesn't want his soulmate to be Draco Malfoy. It's unfortunate that Draco will die if they don't complete their soulbond, but there isn't anything Harry can do about it besides sacrifice himself, and he just can't bear to do that anymore, especially for someone he doesn't even like. 

Harry wouldn't say he's jealous when he starts seeing Draco and Nott together, but maybe his feelings are a little more complicated than he cares to admit... 

This didnt go the way I thought. It was kind of weirder but at the same time better. Or maybe this was pure porn and there was just an excistensial crisis in there somewhere.

I am not even sure what I liked the best in here. I just liked the fic, the idea, the execution and how it was left kind of open. No real ending, happy or sad. Its just life, and even when life makes sense, it can still be messy. Yea. All that. 

he turns off the big light [Game Changers, Hollanov, oneshot]

he turns off the big light by gurlsrool 

Ilya knows firsthand that the world isn’t comfortable. It’s loud, bright, demanding, a harsh place in direct opposition to everything he’s recently learned about autism. 

Is it so wrong that he wants Shane to feel safe here? To carve out a space where, even if only for a few hours, he doesn’t have to grin and bear anything? He can just be? 

Or: Ilya Rozanov has a lot of good ideas. Telling his fuck buddy that he should consider getting an autism diagnosis isn’t one of them.

I am not crying, you are.  

This is not even sad! This is just finding yourself and understanding yourself and being okay with yourself. And its really okay to be autistic, you are not broken or wrong. You are just a little bit spicy. 

Yea. That. 

Tbh. I love that Shane is autistic in canon. And I love how this whole fandom is loving it and showing the love. Yea, I know. In canon Shane doesnt know that he is autistic but does it even matter? I dont really think most people really know that they have autism. So that. 

And Hayden is and will always be the biggest autism supporter ever. Yup. 

Pinged [Game Changers, Hollanov]

Pinged by halfbaked_ziti 

Harris hadn’t meant to say anything. He hadn’t even realized what he’d said, honestly, until Ilya’s reaction: choking on his beer, eyes bugging out, looking more nervous than Harris had ever seen him look. 

Why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut? He was tipsy, and probably a bit too comfortable, but still. He should have known better. He felt like the biggest asshole alive. 

Hold on. Rewind. Start from the beginning. 

Or: 

Five times Ilya Rozanov set off Harris Drover's gaydar (and Harris said nothing), + one time Harris completely put his foot in it 

(originally a one-shot, now updated to include a chapter 2/coda)

Harris is the best. He probs would even be my favorite if Ilya wasnt so menacing fairy gay godmother. Or something. 

Gaydar is also a real thing and people should trust it more. Yea.